


The Trappings Of Vanity

by OneTooManyDots



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Blow Jobs, Fondling, M/M, PWP, ballplay, ferdirenz dye their junk to match their pubes for fashion, just two good friends complimenting each other's balls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-17 04:13:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28968123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneTooManyDots/pseuds/OneTooManyDots
Summary: After learning all about the latest Adrestrian fashion trend from Ferdinand, Lorenz is eager to try it for himself. Being the good friend that he is, Ferdinand gives the result the thorough examination it deserves.
Relationships: Ferdinand von Aegir/Lorenz Hellman Gloucester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30
Collections: Horny Void





	The Trappings Of Vanity

“Remarkable!” Ferdinand exclaimed, his breath tickling the dyed surface of Lorenz’s skin.

Emboldened, Lorenz pushed his pants down lower, twisted his hips ever so slightly, so that the short, curly hairs on his pubis caught the sunlight streaming in from his dormitory room’s window, to allow his friend to admire the full effect. “Isn’t it just?”

Delicately, he lifted his soft cock with his fingers, careful lest he rub the color out. He held it up against that soft nest of hair to let Ferdinand see the comparison more clearly and let him see the underside. “Look at how perfect a match it turned out to be. Of course, you know I would never settle for anything less, but the accuracy is still impressive.” The shade was exactly right, darker than lavender, lighter than plum. The characteristic Gloucester purple was hard to replicate, Lorenz knew, from how the painters spoke of it, and the result had him considerably pleased.

“Truly.” Ferdinand shifted on his knees and leaned in closer, seemingly fascinated by some detail at the base, and Lorenz felt himself blush at the sheer ardor of his approval. “Of all Adrestrian trends to catch on in the Alliance, I must say I am delighted to see this one is spreading.”

“Well, it is still somewhat obscure in our corner of Fódlan.” Lorenz hadn’t heard about the practice before Ferdinand introduced him to it, even from the type of tea time company who would whisper in hushed tones about how the eldest daughter of House Goneril liked to style the precious curls below her navel in the shape of a heart. Of course, as soon as Ferdinand had showed him how he looked, fiery and bright to match the red of his hair, Lorenz simply knew he had to try it for himself. “However, as you may already know, I am something of a trendsetter among Alliance nobility. It is but a matter of time before others follow my example.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Ferdinand’s attention had shifted upward, and he was examining the tip of the head peeking from beneath Lorenz’s foreskin with undisguised curiosity. His hand hovered over Lorenz’s, not quite close enough to touch, but more than close enough to make it clear he wanted to. “May I…?”

“You may,” Lorenz acquiesced.

Ferdinand’s hand replaced his. He pressed his thumb briefly on a spot midway up the shaft and then removed it, as if to check if he would leave an imprint. “Such a striking color.”

Ferdinand’s fingers were calloused in places Lorenz’s were not, from handling weapons Lorenz didn’t. Lorenz felt himself stiffen under his unfamiliar touch. If Ferdinand noticed, he didn’t appear to be bothered. Just as softly as Lorenz would, he made a ring of his fingers around the head of Lorenz’s cock and slowly pulled the foreskin down. Uncovered, it shone in the early afternoon light like royal velvet. “And remarkably even, too.” He tipped Lorenz’s cock this way and that, rolled Lorenz’s foreskin even farther down, examining this skin just under the head. “Masterful work.”

“Thank you,” Lorenz said, his blush deepening from more than just the flattery. Ferdinand gazed up at him, his expression amused, his smile warm. Almost absentmindedly, although he couldn’t be unaware of how hard Lorenz was in his palm, he started caressing his thumb over the place under Lorenz’s cock where the head met the shaft. “Careful,” Lorenz barely managed to say.

“Oh, you needn’t worry so much. In my experience, the pigments can be quite durable, as long as the dye is of sufficient quality.” To demonstrate, he gave Lorenz’s cock a firm stroke, from head to base and back, chuckling quietly at the way Lorenz’s hips bucked. When he held his hand up for Lorenz to see, it was indeed spotless.

“I doubt it would have reached it’s current level of popularity otherwise. What is the appeal of owning a beautiful weapon if all the gilding comes off as soon as you use it?”

“Ferdinand, please! No need to be crude.” Ferdinand seemed to find Lorenz’s outburst quite funny. Lorenz raised his voice to continue over Ferdinand’s apology and laughter, not wanting his dear friend to think him a prude. “A beautiful, fragile weapon may still make for an appealing display. You know beauty is valuable for it’s own sake, and well worth the sacrifices necessary to pursue it. Still, I will keep your words in mind.”

“Please do. It pains me to think that a beautiful, useful thing is going half to waste.” For a moment, Lorenz thought Ferdinand would put his hand on him again. He tugged at Lorenz’s waistband instead, excitement evident on his face. “Come now! Don’t leave me in suspense, show me the rest!”

How could Lorenz forget? This was the part he had envied the most, when Ferdinand had showed him. He quickly pushed his pants down to his knees and spread his legs as best he could, eager to see Ferdinand’s reaction. After spending so much of his morning angling his hand mirror between his legs, making sure that the effect was every bit as good as he had wished it would be, he couldn’t wait for Ferdinand to agree with him.

“Oh!” Ferdinand’s eyes went round. “‘Like a ripe fruit’ is the perfect way to describe it, if you don’t mind me borrowing from your own words. Mouthwatering, even, if you don’t mind me saying.”

“I don’t mind at all.” Lorenz didn’t need to hold his cock out of the way, erect as it was, but he still cradled it against his stomach, hoping Ferdinand would lean in again for a closer look. “I must admit, when I saw how your own jewels looked more sun-loved than any apricots I’ve seen and at least twice as good to eat, I was near jealous.”

“Jealous? There’s no need for that.” Ferdinand’s breath caressed the inside of his thigh as he spoke. Lorenz’s cock twitched in his grip, and he regretted not being able to spread his legs wider. “If I ever saw a plum so plump, I would assume it to be too sweet even for dessert.”

“It’s the wrong shade for plums,” Lorenz corrected.

“Well, it’s the wrong _size_ for grapes,” Ferdinand replied, with that twinkle in his eye that appeared when he teased. He cupped his hand under Lorenz’s sack, lifting it snug against Lorenz’s body, testing it’s weight. “This is the right _weight_ for a nice ripe plum. Why, if I didn’t know any better, I might be tempted to take a bite.”

Lorenz’s mouth went dry, but Ferdinand didn’t seem to mind his silence. His point made, Ferdinand didn’t let go. Squinting, he gently pulled a section of wrinkled skin smooth before exploring it with his fingers. Something about the result made his smile widen. “The color really is perfect. I could have sworn there wasn’t a single hair right until I touched it. They blend right in.”

“I am glad to hear it.” In truth, the hairs Lorenz had there were too sparse for his liking, unlike the splendid bush that crowned his cock. He had considered getting rid of them until that day when Ferdinand told him, legs crossed tight and knuckles white, about the itchiness that came with the regrowth. Life was filled with enough small indignities.

The discovery didn’t seem to repulse Ferdinand in the slightest, at least. He pulled Lorenz’s scrotum toward himself, presumably so he could examine the other side. “Would you let me see you from behind? I am sure that must be quite the sight.”

“Certainly,” Lorenz said, flattered that Ferdinand was interested enough to be thorough.

Remembering Ferdinand’s pose when he showed off his own freshly dyed assets, Lorenz took a shuffling step past Ferdinand and toward his desk so he could bend over and lean against it. Hopefully, the light fell on him right and his jewels also shone like literal precious stones, round ones whose glossy surface one couldn’t help but want to stare into.

“There, too, the delimitation is neat.” As expected, Ferdinand knew exactly what to look for. With one finger, he touched the space just behind Lorenz’s balls, where the coloring stopped abruptly. “This is impeccable work.”

“That tickles,” Lorenz warned, fighting the urge to wriggle away.

“Does it?”

Lorenz had no trouble picturing the boyish mischievousness shining in Ferdinand’s eyes when he traced a path along the seam down the middle. This time, Lorenz couldn’t keep himself from squirming, and he turned to give Ferdinand a wounded look over his shoulder.

Ferdinand laughed. “Forgive me, it was simply too tempting.” As if in apology, he took Lorenz’s balls in his hand again. His touch was firm enough to soothe, and Lorenz found himself relaxing into it. They stayed like this for a moment, Ferdinand rolling Lorenz’s balls around in his palm in contemplative silence.

“A rumor started spreading recently among the Black Eagles students,” Ferdinand’s hand never completely stopped moving, “about dyes making skin taste bitter.”

“Is that so?” Lorenz wondered, through the contented haze brought on by the comfortable warmth of Ferdinand’s hand, if there was someone with whom Ferdinand had the kind of relationship that made this question was relevant. He thought Ferdinand wouldn’t keep his having a lover secret from him, but perhaps his friend really did believe he was a prude.

“I strongly suspect it is a complete fabrication by someone with a dislike for the trend, but alas–”

“I see,” Lorenz said, relieved. “You want to confront this villain who is spreading a lie among our peers for such a petty reason. A noble goal. I expected no less of you.”

“That is indeed my intention. However,” and there Ferdinand’s hand stilled, “without the authority that comes with first-hand experience, building a convincing argument has proven difficult.”

Ferdinand had stopped just short of asking, and it was true that asking directly would have been exceedingly forward. That meant propriety left it up to Lorenz to offer. “If there is any way I can assist you, please do not hesitate. It would be my pleasure.” And because of how that sounded in context, he added, “Anything to help you pursue the truth.”

“You truly do not mind? You have my gratitude.” Lorenz felt Ferdinand’s hand lift him. Once again, Ferdinand’s breath teased his skin, and this time anticipation made him shiver. “I promise I won’t actually bite.”

The feeling of Ferdinand’s lips closing around one testicle drew a surprised gasp out of him, although this was more dignified than the open mouthed licking Lorenz had imagined. It was neater, certainly, not that anyone was there to see it. That was a shame, because the light pink of Ferdinand’s lips must have looked very pretty against the rich purple of Lorenz’s skin. Lorenz’s erection, which had started wilting in the absence of Ferdinand’s touch, was rising back to attention with renewed vigor – understandable, surely, with the pleasurable way Ferdinand’s tongue moved in his effort to get a proper taste. When Ferdinand started sucking softly, as if to get all of the flavor out, Lorenz couldn’t hold back an appreciative sound, but that too was forgivable.

Too soon, Ferdinand pulled back, Lorenz’s testicle popping out of his mouth with a small tug of suction. Lorenz wished for an excuse to ask Ferdinand to treat the other the same. “How was it?” he asked instead. Arousal, while perfectly healthy, was no excuse to be greedy.

“As I thought, not bitter – excuse me,” Ferdinand said when the first touch of his handkerchief took Lorenz by surprise, “not bitter, or otherwise unpleasant.”

“Good to know.” Lorenz kept still while Ferdinand finished patting him dry.

If that was the end of that, Lorenz should have covered himself before he turned around, but Ferdinand should not have still been on his knees. And while Ferdinand was justified in staring at Lorenz’s cock – it’s vibrant color made it look nothing short of majestic in it’s current state – Lorenz should not be staring at the neglected spit that added a shine to Ferdinand’s lips. Instead of commenting on any of this, Lorenz leaned back against the edge of the desk and said, for no reason at all, “I heard that we taste bitterness most acutely on the back of the tongue.”

“Good thinking!” Ferdinand’s eyes lit up, as if Lorenz had just provided him with the answer to a riddle. “It wouldn’t do to for us to be anything less than perfectly thorough.”

Lorenz was right. The color of Ferdinand’s lips did look lovely around the purple of his cock, and with the delicate blush on his cheeks and the bright red of his hair, it made for quite an interesting palette for this tableau. He didn’t take Lorenz’s cock in all the way – he didn’t need to, Lorenz supposed, to get the taste of him on his tongue – but his hold was firm on the base and his tongue was agile as it teased the underside, and Lorenz doubted anything else he could have done would have made this better. It took most of Lorenz’s restraint not to thrust into Ferdinand’s inviting mouth, and the rest of it not to bury his fingers into Ferdinand’s hair. And when Ferdinand wrapped a hand around his balls, now pulled in tight and heavy–

“ _Enough!_ ” Lorenz didn’t sound like himself, his voice breathier and high pitched with urgency.

Ferdinand pulled back, not fast enough. Lorenz’s moan was as much pleasure as it was embarrassment when his seed striped Ferdinand’s neck and chin. He watched with trepidation as Ferdinand swallowed, but when their eyes met, he looked more surprised, thankfully, than offended. He blinked, and dragged his hand up Lorenz’s length, causing one last drop of semen to bead at the tip, a pearl against lustrous satin. To Lorenz’s consternation, he picked it up with his finger and brought the finger to his lips.

“Well, now I wonder...” Ferdinand paused to swallow, and watching the movement of his throat made Lorenz’s ears burn. “...If this is where the bitterness came from, and if the rumor wasn’t simply a misunderstanding.”

Shaking his head in disbelief, Lorenz pulled his pants up and dropped down to his knees. He searched himself for a handkerchief until Ferdinand handed him his. Ferdinand simply watched him, bemused, as he dabbed frantically at a drop that threatened to disappear under Ferdinand’s collar. Eventually, Ferdinand’s calm proved to be infectious, and Lorenz’s movements slowed as he worked his way up Ferdinand’s neck.

“You know,” Lorenz finally said, still dabbing at Ferdinand’s chin, “ _I_ didn’t get this close a view, when it was you with your pants down.”

With a chuckle that was nothing but kind, Ferdinand grabbed Lorenz’s hand, only letting go when he surrendered the square of cloth. He got to his feet and the bulge below his belt met Lorenz right below eye level, a pillar of sunlight barely contained by the dark fabric. “My friend, all you have to do is ask.”

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a shitpost and now it's a fic. Consider this a cautionary tale.


End file.
